The principle
Most resistance is not refusal. It is a student running out of capacity to do the next thing on someone else’s timeline. Your job is to make the next step feel possible — not louder, not faster, just smaller.
The steps
- 1Read the room before reacting
Notice posture, voice, distance to peers. The first 5 seconds tell you more than any script.
- 2Lower the demand
Drop the volume, slow your pace, give the student room. Repeating louder rarely works.
- 3Offer two clear choices
Both choices should lead where you need to go. Choice = agency = co-operation.
- 4Wait. Five seconds is a long time.
Resist the urge to fill the silence. Most students will move on their own.
- 5Name the moment afterwards
A short, calm "you found a way through that" anchors what worked.
Sentence stems
- “You can finish here or take it to the table — your choice.”
- “I’ll wait. Take your time.”
- “That was hard, and you found a way through it.”
When NOT to use this
- The student is in physical danger.
- Another adult has already taken the lead.
- Behaviour is rooted in unmet medical need.